Cursing Land

Came back to Prima Setapak, 9-11 Block C. The place i live since i study at here, Setapak, crowded and noisy place. It was so tired to have a 3 hours journey at the car and i am not feeling well, i am sick. Along the journey i slept, sms with yeek, and have my dinner my mum packed for me before i go, then have my medicine, until 1000pm only i reached here. Back to the UTAR life again, so suck and tiring, everytime came back only got one thing in my mind, STUFF....yeah, a lot of stuff waiting me to finish them. No choice, since foundation already like this, Degree cant even imagine it. Its been 2 month i never went home, this time was a special one, i see changes in the relationship between me and my family, duno why, i see all the positive ways, is it good or bad? I like the feeling. However, my mum sickness doesnt seem to have any recovery, i am worried, what is the problem? what is the cure? what is the reason? what is the solution? my family members all struggling to help her, see doctor, relax herself...still resulted in same condition. Hope she will be fine. Cannot drag too long, it will bring more negative effects on my mum.

Father have grown older and older, white hair also coming out. Surprisingly, my mum told me that my daddy has "老花“ which mean "old people short-sighted"...lame i duno how to explain in english, he is working too hard, day by day. Am i capable of helping him to solve some of the house money that need to repay back to the bank after i work. I am still wondering how heavy is the burden. Outsider saw our house will say:"Wow!! Rich guy's son!"...arhh...do u guys ever know the situation behind this tall building? its was hard than u can imagine.

Today i was quite happy because yeek had forgive me, but not totally, i still sense that she is still put that thing in mind. I am trying to find some topic to chat with her by sending her some picture i took during the journey to Setapak, she seem reply me in more natural way, good, this is what i want. We discussed about the future where she want to study... surprisingly, she told me that she had 2 choices, one is Kampar, one is Setapak. I know her style, and i know her family decision too. It will always be Kampar in the end. But she told me that need to wait after she asking information about the advanced diploma at her school first. Actually, i really hope that u will sacrifice a bit come to my side. But i cannot so selfish right? Everyone also know that after advanced diploma u need to go degree, well degree for you only offer in Kampar, who will so stupid come setapak for 2 years and then go kampar again. Again and again, i fail to ask her come to my side. But this time i did not felt so sad, duno why, maybe last time ad learn something from the incident when she told me she need go penang. At first i was like going crazy, cuz i come Kampar just to wait u come study together with me, i give up then go setapak study, and hope u will come again. Now, hahaha....now i figured that it was impossible again.

That why i said:" This place is such a cursing land! FUCK"

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Bloody Hell

Recently i was not feeling well, i always get cough and sniffing. At thursday, i slept late, because friday i plan not going to school since it only one lecture, i did not make a mistake because my friends going there all end up turning back with nothing. The lecturer have MC i think. Haha so lucky. However, i duno why that day my head is very pain and i have a bad sore throat. I keep coughing nonstop. At this time, i am very moody cuz i cant help it much. Person who talk to me will eventually end up in quarreling. That why i hurt my dear. I was so nervous until i said something bad to hurt u just because i did not feel well, what a childish and immature act.

I am going back home at Friday, i wait until kong fai's sister come take us go seven eleven, and i bought my fisherman, a sugar that can relax ur throat. But it does not seem working at all, i still struggling with my throat. I try to sleep, but cannot, my head is getting more pain. I SMS her, i know i have made her angry about me, i always didnt care about her feeling, that why she never sms me back. We quarreled...However she still reply me in the end, she said to me if not i am not feeling well, she wont even care about me. Yeah, of course u no need to care about me since i never care about you, and always hurt u, i do not have the right to said anything thing. I just admit that i am wrong, and i cant save it from ur mind, cuz it ad happened. I stop sms her...cannot continue anymore, need to cool down myself. I reached home, and quickly take 2 panadols, no use, still pain. So my mum decided take me to clinic has a checkup. The doctor was so scare of me and keep asking me where i came and where i live. I said KL. He got shocked too cuz recently got a Malay school there ad closed due to the H1N1. Hopefully i am not one of them. He gave me some medicine on sniffing, coughing and deman. It cost only RM20. So cheap for the market prize now. Now normally minimum also required RM 30.00.

I go bought a mi hun soup, and went to my grandmother house to have a dinner, after i can took my medicine straight away. Ad 2 months and one week i never go home, but my family them never changed, always treat me as good as always. I LOVE MY FAMILY! Everyone are taking care about me, asking me got feeling better or not, so nice of them, i can feel the warmth coming towards me after being so lonely at outside. If i am not coming back this week, i cannot imagine how am i going to survive at there alone as i am falling sick. At middle of the night, i planning to sleep, i never thought that dear will coming to me and asked me my situation. Well, thank you because u still care of me. We have some chat on the phone until my credit run out, at least, we settle half of the problems we faced now. Thank you for still loving me all the way i hurt u so much. I know it was an excuse that i said that i always moody when i have trouble and i will yelling at others people, its time to change, but how? I still have to figured it out myself. And i need you to accompany me all the way to the end. I LOVE U ALL....

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Daddy

The person who have a special way of teaching me as a good man, is him. Since i am small, i seldom talk to him. Because all my homework stuff, my mum will be the one who take care and always ask the performance of me. The attitude of me at home or outside, also my mum is the one who teached me. Until a certain age, then only i begin to have a close relationship with him. When i was small, i really cannot understand why his mind and mine was so different. Well, when i done something that i think correct, at night, he will suddenly called me go outside the house, and we sit together to have some discussion. We interpret the thing i done just now, then he said out his mind. Sometime i just cannot take it, because it was kinda weird. Even worst, i will ignored it.

Time flies and i growth, i realise that the thing he said was true enuff. At a certain age, i have the desire to have some entertainment, like buying a PS, PS2, computer, internet...etc... Of course, i know that, i wont get it just for free, all is money, so the rules for me to buy those things are work with my father. I get it. And he did his promised. He never asked about my academic stuff, all his care is my attitude and problem solving skills. Although sometime i disagree, but i take it as my new style of do it.

Until one day, duno why i just think that, working as that, need to wake up at 300am, is kinda not fine. I rejected. I dunwan to work, i lie at home, do nthing, playing games, wasting time. All kind of things. If i do, he will jsut said one thing, u are not worth as RM20. After this phrase, i swear, i must go outside find a job, and prove to him, i am worth than a thousand! I found it, hamper things, and i get my salary, RM1000. I go back home, and this is what i get! Kinda childlish, me...

Our relationship was normal, but never quarrel. I respect him. Cuz he is a good daddy. True enuff. But just sometime my inmature attitude spoil all the nice things. I never said:"Daddy i love you." We dun have that culture. Yet, this year, i take the 1st step, call him at Father's Day, wish the first "happy father's day" in my life to him. Amazingly, he is happy, i was shock to see that also, although is just through phone, but i know he sure is happy. I never see daddy will be like that. Kinda unbelievable.

This degree, sure is hard. I have a hard time for a few days, a bit down. He phone me. "Try to relax, if canont, dun force too hard, not worth." Well, I heard this from him. Thanks a lot daddy."No problem, i can do it. Dun worry." I quickly replied him. Before he called me, i still down there. After that, i have no worry at all, it was totally different, for you to motivate me rather than others. U sacrifised for your children, teached us thing in a special way.

And i am proud to have you as my daddy, the words that i cannot speak out, will be written here."I do love you forever."

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"Soul" deep in my heart

A misunderstanding event, create a path for us to meet. The way u grab my shirt at midnight, calling for help, is the start of our life. My dirty mind, makes me know about you. The way to smile and teasing me, i never forget. Once again, tie, u in charge of it. We meet again. U are so amazing. The feeling is so weird, i cannot understand, what is the reason for me to call u and know about u. Starting from words through phone, we never hear each other voice through it. Until one day, peribahasa was the creator of our love. From now on, I am in deep love.

Ur soul was not belong to me. I was happy for a moment, at the time u said u like me. But, not love. At my birthday, i cried, and u are the one who support me with love and care. At the tough moment at SPM, u are the one who give me inertia to push forwards. U never leave me, i never forget. Day by day, my naive had force this relationship to break. My disturbance towards u, resulted in the break in soul between us. The stubbornness of mine, keep me contact with u. Never give up, and always learn things from u. I am not experienced, but, u never rejected me as a good friend. I learn to know u, i learn to understand u, i learn ur life style, i learn ur family, i learn ur pass relationship, and i learn ur weaknesses.

Again and again, thousands times i ask from u, can we joined again. U never answered me. Because u dunwan to hurt me. I never give up, because i know, i do love u always. I wan to realise my promises to you, and i dunwan to hurt you. Until one day, i reached my limit, and i sense no hope on us. I wan pull away. Tears fall down from my heart. Deep into the black hole. A warming hand, come to me. Its you. U pull me up. "Han, i need you." This is the phrase i never forget. U are back....back to me..."You have changed..." Yes, i will changed, to a better one. The mistake i done, u never scream, u never yelled, i appreciate that, i changed my misbehaviour, tears should not drop down again from ur beutiful eyes.

Our relationship stuck at one end, never raise again. It the limit. I told myself, i must see u, no matter what, or not it the end of us. I max my bold, drive the only vehicle, to have a better future with you. My low-self esteem, i dare not to face u, I am ugly, short in height, no body shape, just a small kid, not mature at all, but u never reject me, always do. Give me support and love. I just love to be with u.

That day, the way u hold my hands, the way u hug me, the way u sleep on my shoulder, i never forget and i am confidence, we can be together forever. 3 days, u went for camp, i cant hear u, i cant find u, i cant touch u....i am so lonely...but...i know u sure will come back...and i always believe u...no matter what...

I dun care how many guys are chasing after u at ur own world...u are my darling always...and i believe u do...Yes...sometime we did quarrel...but the way u handle problem, i am totally proud of you. Because of this, we always end up with smile. I will never repeat my mistake again. Because i cannot afford to lost you.




"Jia Yeek, I Love You."

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The way i survive

"God", most respecting "creater" for the world.
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* G-Generator *
* O-Operator *
* D-Destroyer *
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I was born to this world, as a small raindrop, i never die, i never stop, i never miss. Along my journal, i grow, bigger, heavier, and denser. From the cerulean blue color, my habitat changed, to silver color. Millions of eyes staring at me, happiness, disappointed, unemotional, laziness, flowing of tears in the blood vessel.. All kinds of emotion shown to me. But i never stop, i am growing, one day, the habitat deformed, i no more remain balanced. I scared, this is my first time i left my home, the only one.

"Dude, why u look so nervous? Just remain calm, we are here."A bigger "person" said to me. He has a weird look, i am transparent, but he was in brownish color. "Dun look at me like that, I am just a bit fat because i bring along chloride...hehe..burden higher..."

We smiled, drop down, the speeding speed force me to let my hands go off my pals. I am alone, panic, disgraced to my naked body. Pass through thousands of others same habitat which still in cerulean color, I reached a place, a weird object shape like a big bird, with a straight "eyes" and hard "wings". I pass through it, his amazing speed, push towards me, i was no influenced, just felt a bit warm and polluted. I saw down, a red, brown with some green dots, on a big land. Was it? What is this? Food? New habitat? I wan to stop, but i cant, i keep dropping down, I saw a big balls, some sounds came out from there, thousands of small creature standing under the balloons, horray for the arrival. My family, and me, billions, limitless of us, keep dropping down, the farmer, took out his cloth, keep kissing us, waiting for century for the arrival of us. The people, with tie, with formal, with a headache emotion, pressing their head, running around, buying umbrella, scolding at us, run into a shelter, dunwan to let us have a nice touch with them. The people at the war place, cried, drag out their own family dead bodied. Hope that our cleanliness can help him clean out the blood, the bacteria. Then they can use the dead body to feed themselves. The tree God, happy to see us, welcoming us, however, we saw the tree God, we cried. Because of us, he is falling and dying. The greenish leaves become yellow, dried out, all because of our "fattiness"--chloride. But still, we are friends, always.

My bone cracked suddenly. I saw my hands, legs, eyes, brains, all fall apart. People walking around, step on my organs, I didnt felt any pain, my pain nerve ad broken. I can only felt heat and cold. After one or 2 days, when i was sleeping, my father-"Sun", come to save us, all of our family. We evaporate, we raise, we fly, we laugh. I never died, I never miss, and i will see this cruel world, until his end....the end of the day.....

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