Memorable

Looking at the calender, i have decided to take my journey on saturday 12/12/09...nice date huh? haha..early at the morning i drive the lousy big "van" go to her house. Yeah, i saw her mum and talked to her. Luckily her dad is not around, if not i will be scare as daddy always have a very serious face. I saw her mum, sister and little brothers, and promised that i will ensure her safety. I told myself i will be the one who responsible for our safety and i must do it well, so early morning, i bring her back to my house.

Same like me, everyone is nervous when u go to ur gf or bf house. A poor attitude sure let his or her parents look down on you. Dear is very good, always smile and be polite, that why my parents said pass. Haha..duno if i go to her house will i get a pass or straight away fail me .... sadddddddddd....

Before i bring her come taiping, i am fully plan with all the schedule, however, i am wrong, totally wrong, i miscalculated that i duno the movie time. So i was totally blank when i have nothing to go to as taiping is such a small and peaceful town. I am so sorry about that dear, i did not bring lot of excitement to you though. Just stay at my house and resting there and talked with my brother. I am so sorry if u did not enjoy that. I will done better next time.

Maybe i had chosen the wrong movie i think, i did not expect so many people will come to see that movie, twilight. In the end, i feel so shy and many things did not dare to do and try. Cuz i scare that she will reject also as there are many peoples around. Haiz...i am so noob...=.= saddddddddddddd............sorry dear...

Well, i fetched her home, in the journey she fall asleep, she is so cute, like a baby, hehe.. when she fall asleep i have a positive and negative mind. The positive one is when she is resting, i can be her guide and bring her home, let her relax and me do the rest. The negative one is i bring too much boring things to her and make her too tired. I am not very good at those things, but i will try...at least dunwan to let u go away from me ...

PS:I love you..jia yeek...

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My December Holidays

Well, i have back to my hometown, Taiping at december 3th. This time a bit different because i went back by bus, not kongfai's sister's car. So i have to travel by taxi to wangsa maju lrt station, and then sit lrt to masjid jamek, after that sit KTM from there until plaza rakyat, and walked a distance until i reached pudu rakyat, a place which is the main station of bus in kuala lumpur. Quite a long time i didnt exercise my hands and legs, so when i carried my bags for 1 hr, my hands cramp when overnight. LOL, shameful for a boy or man. I reached home and the first things i ever heard from my dad is :"Can u work tmr?" YES! Expected question. Of coz i said yes, cuz i need money also.

The next day i work, same procedures and same friends at there, never change. Maybe this is the life of a person who work. Remain all the same for ur whole life. If u dun have the right attitude, u sure died half way. Bored die u. The first day my friends called me go out "yam cha". At first i said ok cuz quite a long time i didnt met with them. But after i fetch my sister back from her work, i found myself is so tired and i finally rejected the "yamcha" gathering. In the end, they called me "Desmond airline" which mean i put aeroplane(cheating).

For the next day, i went to clinic and checked my legs, well the doctor said it very serious and need to burn the virus. So as usual,(i have been there before so have experience) he inject the paralyse medicine into my legs, well it hurts but just for 3 or 4 sc...and then he start use a electric fire plug to burn the virus at my legs, it become a small hole, or big hole i also duno, cuz its all red flesh now, left no skin. LOL...sound very geli.

When i walked the blood keep squeeze out, but not really pain for me. Just when see the blood coming out it mean i am hurting it. So i seldom walked. I still go to pasar and helped my father to sell, just i didnt move those heavy stuff around, to prevent further injury. God Bless Me.

Tomorrow i have to go clinic again to wash the wound, so that it will be clean and wont grow next time. Hopefully this time will fully recover. O yeah, her and me have recover our relationship, well i have known what the problem we have, its all because of me, that why she will so blur at that situation, maybe i acted too cold or looked like not care at all. BUT I DIDNT! I do really care. Just sometime hard to express it out. I am very happy she is back... I love her always.

This saturday i will going down her place and find her again as she is still studying now. Not like me having holidays. But the plan is am i going to find her to penang or i want to bring her to taiping, my mum seem dunwan me to bring her come taiping cuz it seem tired. Well, i go there only need 30 mins...i shall think about it myself then. Anyway, it sure will be a dating this saturday ...^^happy

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Dissapear

These few days were very down, moody and felt lonely. We quarreled, and she said we are in a very unstable condition. Again and again, finally, she said, dunwan ad... i was totally blank at that time..i try to tell myself, its just a joke, but it cant be in this situations. Its totally gone now. I trying my best to persuade her, i want her back...she just simply sms me and said no more ad...i try to drag our relationship for one more day, and she just keep said she is tired, what can i do? I cant force her anymore...the whole morning and afternoon i was thinking, what am I suppose to do...then i have come to a decision, if she really dunwan ad...even if u drag her back, it wont be a good thing anymore, it just become a burden. Yeah, i am thinking like this, and i decided to ask her one more question, the reason why she wan to break, if the reason is the place we stay, i wont allowed her to go. However, surprisingly, she answered me, i wan to fly, i wan freedom. Is this a good reason enuff for me? i asked myself. Yes it is. I have force her too much, its time to let go then.

I told myself, i wouldnt let a person who i love to go just like that, i want her back, surely do. But how? Until now i am still strengthless, i cant even go near her when she need me. I have to wait, wait for another 3 years until i go for work. Many people will not believe me or have faith in me, but i will wait, until i have the chance.

We break, but we still got communicate. She seem so happy, got problems still talk to me but not the others. I am greatful that she still so take care of me. She always push me to the others gals, haha..i didnt blame her, but i would rather choose her, why am i suppose to give others chance as myself haven giving myself a single chance to be with u again. The things i can give is limited, if she really find someone who can giv her in these few years, then i shall quit, silently, if not, i will want her back come to my side again. As "I love you".

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My feelings

This few weeks, i really in a blur situation, everyday repeat the same topic, same style, same life...waiting someone to open a topic for me to start of, in the end, she only said if you have nothing to say about please just close the phone and sleep. Hahaha, it was so criticism...i phoned and i was asked to close phone just because i have no topic, 2 people brains, one squeeze until the brain dry also cant find a nice one so waiting for another who have fresh mind to start it. I duno the reason...because of tired so that you dunwan to begin to think about it? In the end, once and once again, our chat never last for 30 mins, even her birthday, she spend whole day with her friends just without me, you can forget about me just like that.

I know the place we stay is far, somehow i try my best to make some topic everyday so that we can chat. You always said u are tired, but whenever i called you i can heard that you chat with ur friends with amazing energy, and chat with me like a died person. Isit so suffering? I asked you something about ur life, u said if i know it it also wont change anything, dun u refuse to answer me just a simply question, so funny isit? If u find that u are lazy to communicate anymore why dun u just speak it out? I called u and asked u why u become like that, u said u didnt. But ur action ad tell me so? I am in a blur situation. Well, u said u are tired, u just sms me one second before, then i quickly call u last night, u didnt answer my phone, today morning u told me that u fall asleep? WTF!? U can sms right away one second u fall asleep!? DUN CHEAT ME LIKE A STUPID KID!!!!

U always said i think too much? Well i dun really think so, see ur style of typing message to me at now compare to last time, i laughed at myself. My existent for you means nothing isit? I asked u so many things and so many questions, what respond u give me? " 随便你怎么认为~“ that mean u dun even care about it right? U dun care what i feel and u dun care me got find u or not...finally now i realise it... IF U THINK U ARE SO BORED OF BEING WITH ME WHY DUN WE JUST END IT!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!

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My Holidays In 3 Weeks

At first, i plan to have 3 months holidays in my hometown. However, my father did not agree to let me do so. His suggestion is i should continue my study whatever the University gave me, even though its a few subjects only, i should continue because soon or later i do not need to pack all stuffs together and struggle to the end. He has the point that make my mind clear, so i decided to go back KL after 3 weeks holidays.

During this 3 weeks, i am very very lazy, i refused to go out and work rather stay at home. Early morning wake up, i brushed my tooth and face then sit in front of the ladtop for a whole day. Because of these reactions, my mother, my father and my family, very angry about me. So they decided to force me to work. Work as what? Of coz is my family business which need some workers but my father refused to hire which burden the cost of payment. I would like to help my dad of coz, however, i just dun like the style of selling fruits.

Early morning 400am, i have to struggle my mind to wake up and become clear after bathed. Then walked to old house which is opposite of me, help my uncle and father to move hundred boxes of fruits from the refrigerator to the small lorry we have. Well i manage to skip this one because i bathed too long time and my uncle had already done with it. We will reached market at around 530am, then we start to move down the fruits from the lorry and parked them nicely at our stall place. Usually is Uncle Yong and my uncle do the moving stuff, my father and I take care of the setting of stalls, like take the chairs out, clean the fruits which we never keep back to home, this is to ensure we save our time. But some of the fruits really need to keep inside the refrigerator if not it will spoiled very easily.

After we placed all the fruits and things nicely in our stall, its been already 700am, so its time for breakfast, usually i let my uncle himself go eat first because he do alot of moving stuff which cost a lot of energy, that why he always easily get hungry. Me and my father will go to the second floor to have our breakfast at around 900am. At that time, he will spend some time to wash my brain and talked about my bad things, try make me to change my immature attitude. I have kept that in my mind.

We sell our fruits until 1200pm, then only we start to pack all our stuffs and prepared back home. Back to home we need to eat our lunch first then only we will go to old house which only opposite of us, and take down all the boxes of fruits at the lorry and move them into the refrigerator. I complained a lot for this work because i hate i have to wake up 400am so early and end my work at 400pm. Then i spend 3 hours sleeping in my bed, then have dinner with my family. After that, i left only 2 hours for my favourite. My friends holidays so fun and happy, and i have to do this things.

My mind kept think about the unfairness until my dear, she told me the reason and good things about it. Well, she has the points, and it make me clear that, what am i doing is just mean nothing compare to my father 365 days work continuously to earn some money and pay me my study fees. "People learn to complain more than they learn to appreciate". This is what i learned in it. Thank you, father, mother, and darling who always take care of my feelings.

One of the saturday, i went down to her place and date her. Well, she is becoming more and more pretty, i am proud of her. We went for shopping, eating and watched cinema, hmm, dear is a wonderful girl friend for me, sometime i felt abit regret....
Because, she want buy a pair of shoes, but in the end, she did not actually find one, as she said it is too expensive, and dunwan waste my money, even a pencil box, she also dun allowed me to pay for her. I know you are taking care of me, but i would be happy if dear allowed me to spend some little cheap but meaningful things for you. Maybe now i cannot buy a RM 200 shoes for you, but i will learn how to keep money and buy for you in future. Dear had let me see a pair of ring, a boy and a gal, she asked me to choose one, i choose the gal one, and she kept the boy one, now i have put the ring at my pencil box, which everytime i open it also can see her.

Now i ad at KL, which mean quite a period of time we cannot meet each other, as she also have school, i guess i have to wait and be patience until we can meet again. Miss you.....

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Exam finished

After 3 weeks, my final exam have finished. Chemical engineering, an amazing course i have choose to study. The amazing i wrote there suppose to be curse subject. Regret of choosing? Not really.. Somehow just did not do well. The first subject fluid mechanics, interestingly the students have the "solution book" rule the world. Well, i didnt bought it, because i will never think that UTAR "standard" is so high. If i can get a C, i would be very very damn lucky already. Others subjects except the english and mathematics, all i can said:"Terrible!"

Actually i am planning to have short sem after this semester. I have registered 4 subjects. However, yesterday i found out that UTAR only offer me 2 subjects. They cancel 2 of them. Kong fai, he plan not to take the short semester and having 3 months holidays soon. For me, i think that if i study first, then i will be easier for the future. I went ask my mum opinions, she said abit waste of time, just 2 subjects, need 7 weeks and more stay there, one week only study 2 days, which each days only 2 hour. Not worth it. Hmmm, maybe i should consider that. I will process my decision after i go to find her after i back to taiping.

Thinking of my recent situation, my friends, quite a number of them are quitting of their recent course, reason is cannot handle, cannot cope with it. Fall down..... Shall i do the same thing with them? I am not very sure of it...Maybe i shall wait for the result to come out first? If i failed anyone of it, i shall quit then.

This 3 months holidays, what am i suppose to do? what am i suppose to think? what am i suppose to plan? I haven have a final decision of it. But mostly, working is a must for me. Its a chance to pay back my parents maybe? After going home shall be discuss with my father and mum.

Recently play a game, called dragonica. Kinda cute i can said. And kinda terrible, because i ad fall in it. = (
Sometime during exam, i am so bad mood or can said mad, exam time still can play game. Awwww....weird...but really cant put myself into the mood of study. Its all over now, final also finished already, what can i do? I think only waiting the judges to settle the case now.

*The picture i posted is the game called dragonica. The golden color character is me.
Hiyuu:"Hi, nice to meet you."

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Week 12

This week i was having english for engineering presentation on article review, on tuesday, besides that, mathematics for engineering have its test II on wednesday too. So, i plan not to focus too much on my english presentation, but on mathematics. I wrote down my speech during saturday night ad, however, i cannot find it at here, so i rewrote again, after i finished writing, now only i found the original papers. Damn it, waste my time and mental thinking. At that presentation day, i wear my formal trousers and shoe with my cloth inside the bag, cuz my presentation is at evening, but i have to go to school early in the morning. That why i choose not to wear it first, if not sure sweat a lot.

During the presentation, everybody have to speak at least 4.5 minutes, well, at first, i struggled very hard to talk very slow, keep dragging, hope can drag over the 4.5 minutes, HOWEVER! I Cannot! while a few seconds i jam there, quickly i turn to the other pages and grab some rubbish opinion keep talking and repeating, "Ting!" Yeah! the bell rang, i passed ad! haha...our team has 3 members, me, Shao tat, and hou jo. Shao tat and me passed the presentation but hou jo had too less points to talk about and scolded by teacher, and he had to repeat his speech again, shao tat gave him our original article, hou jo also drag his points by using the original one. Finally, he succeeded. Very pity him cuz he is sick, still need to do so many things. There are more and more people falling sick nowdays, and our cases of H1N1 are increasing sharply! Our death cases are the 4 times of world death record! How COME! STUPID MALAYSIA GOVERNMENT!

This night, i suddenly became very crazy when talking in phone with you. Actually i dunwan remind those problems that we cannot solved for you. But my itchy mouth always want to say about that, maybe because i still dun understand why u dunwan to come. Well, my acting is like a children, so childish.. why i keep to remind myself those problems which ad become a reality and we have to face it but not run away from it. I just hope that u can find some way to satisfied me, but not everytime scold me when we quarrel or act cold to me. I dunwan that, well i cannot force someone changed her characteristic just for the others else, i know it was very stubborn but i still do it. That night i said if tomorrow morning i haven sms back you mean we are gone ad, now rewind back the act, i am so childish, it will never become a reality, cuz midnight i ad sms u back and u also replied me. Yeek, sorry for my action...really sorry...

The mathematics test II at wednesday, i never do any exercise but only read through the formula and example only, not even tutorial questions, haha, in the end, very good, most of the part of the questions i did not know how to solve, even i know the solution very clearly, i stopped half way, why? because my mind is blank, duno why i cannot recall anything at that moment, mistakes and foolish mind spilled around the papers and after one hours, i have confident in 2 simply questions only, others all i am very bad bad bad bad done. Chee yan told me everyone also duno how to do, well, isit others cannot do me also sure canot do? i asked myself, NO! if everybody eat shit me also need eat shit? Its all my fault that i take the tests too lightly recently! Maybe this is the situation at the final exam if i still dunwan take some action! The paper had become a history, i have no choice but to leave it.

Friday is our static assignment deadline, chee yan, kong fai and me have to rush the assignment at wednesday, that mean after the maths test. Well, my static is poor, and chee yan has the better mind of it. If tell me to draw a FBD, free body diagram, i sure will jam there, or take a lot of time, or even spending half life to do a wrong answer. Kong fai ad typed the things inside his computer, whole night i can only watching youtube, playing games, and finally, help chee yan draw again his diagram as his handwriting is very terrible. Useless guy of me.....I like a leech leeching inside the team..FUCK!

For PTPTN, i had passed up my form and information at Monday, there are so many students inside the lecture hall, and there are so few PTPTN stuff, we took very time only get our turn, first reason, some brainless people keep "poke the line"...squeeze inside the line and we forever stand at our position cannot move forwards, the PTPTN stuff is very slow and stubborn, this canont that cannot, ggrrrr, stupid government. Almost 4 hours we lined up there only we can pass our forms. Hopefully i can get it, then my parents wont spend so money on me if any emergency happend PTPTN always act as a backup.

I think i should end my story here first. The picture is Shao Tat and Hou Jo, the 2 guys i mentioned above. Took after the english presentation.

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Saturday Night

This weekend i came back home, taiping, the reason is i need to find saksi to sign my ptptn stuff and my parents signature too. At firday, we have 2 tests at UTAR, one is material science, another one is fluid mechanics, as usual, the questions are out from the solution books, so fluid mechanic have no so much worry. Material science the first question abit tricky, if not chee yan, i sure i will keep it blank ad. Although sometime he is irritating and disagreeable person, but still, he had the mind of science, this one i really admire him a lot. However, after the tests, a big rain came, chee yan and me dun have umbrella, kong fai didnt expect it will rain so heavily, so no choice we have to wait until the rain stop then only we can go back, but kong fai phoned his sister, then only he decided to ask his sister come fetch us.

About 800pm only we start our journey to PJ, because kong fai sister wana take her stuff, amazingly, i have a chance to sit at the car and order Mc like the outstation style. Haha, love it. Suddenly, something happened during the journey, my "little brother", wan to piss off ad, quickly inform kong fai sister to stop if see any rest station, it was so released when i let the fluid to flow trough my duct, arrrr....save my life....

Around 1200am only i reached home, after i print out my ptptn stuff, unfortunately, the papers i used was 70gm, ptptn need 80gm, no choice, i have to wait tomorrow to buy some 80gm papers, then only i can print them out. Play some games before i slept....

In the early morning, i waked up, prepare my things, plan go to school, Pn. Ding told me that headmaster is not around before i start my car, so my mum tell me that we can go find the Dr. Hor from MCA, is not the Dato Ho, is the other one, ketua kampung like that, so we went for him, after checking my documents, he asked:"Are u fruit seller's son?" LOL....he knew our family... i thanks him after he teached me how to sign. Then Chee Yan came to my house to print his things, and i went to sleep after that.

That day, i finished my ACAD tutorial 3 and my english presentation speech, that tutorial was damn irritating, however still manage to finish it within one hour, haha, impressive...dear sms me said that she is busy so we didnt chat anything, after that she phone, i heard her sniffing sound, was very terrible, so i decided, to let her sleep earlier, if dun have a good body, what for we have a nice chat only for today but not everyday....i am thinking that, but she seem very angry, i also duno what i done is that wrong? i am just caring for her healthy and she act coldly towards me, i dunwan quarrel cuz she ad sick, i just pretend nthing happen and smile smile went away. It was Saturday night, it was the only night we can have our free time together, and we spoiled it. YES, u can said is me the one who chased u away and asked u to sleep, but do u think u can chat with me with that condition? i just wan u to recover as soon as possible, the H1N1 cases are becoming worst and worst day by day, esecially ur area also, i am worrying about you, coughing, sniffing and fever all are not allow!!!! If u can recover soon, u wan angry me if i chase you to sleep i also wont mind....i just hope dear can understand....

Today morning i wake up at 700am, then ask myself will u remember ur promise yesterday, then i sleep again, but i waked up again, at 745m....i begin to nervous, after that, u didnt phone me, but is me who phone u, u said u forget to turn on alarm, well, u sure are very tired i told myself, is the early morning, i dun wan we end up quarreling again because it is a small issue only.

U at ur house, i at taiping, actually if u wan, just 45 mins i can reached ur house....we are so closed ad...hope u can understand why i am doing all this last night....I Still Love You...

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Week 11

Today is Monday, going to have 3 tests in this week, Thermodynamic ; Fluid Mechanics ; Material Science. The 3 science subjects gather together and make me suffer. During Saturday and Sunday, i spend my times on games, movie, animation and lastly, some study stuff. Focus on material science since it is the most easy to understand but hard to solve the problems i think. Chemical engineering or i can said all engineering students, sometime really make me laugh, what we studied now is what we so called professional engineering in the future, if you manage to get a good result and performance during your projects. I have 2 friends, one for sure will be withdraw from UTAR because he said he did not belong to this place and this course. Quit is the best choice for him. Another one still in consideration, whatever u made, ur decision will have the supports of mine, this is what a friend can do to you now. Be strong ya.

Tests are coming soon and i don't have the nervous feeling, why? Because i sense no high hope on science and i always do since i studied at secondary school.
Why i choose this course? Because it has a brighter future? Because it can help me earn a lot of money money and MONEY!? Am i really throw my mind and heart into this field, i dun think so. However, soon i realised that, I LOVE I.T. Not It, is I.T. Programming stuff and CAD those things, or whatever things that are practically related to computers, i just have the motivation to study them. Interest is interest, reality is reality, I.T never call for new people but throwing those who nearly professional now. All graduated students from I.T are facing a hard situation in this cruel now. I already choose my course, and i have to walk through it, no matter what.

Yeek falling sick now, i worry about her, because the disease, what we called as H1N1, is spreading violently, and more and more cases start to appear in our country. Saturday night she phoned me, heard her voice i already know that, she is feeling very tired and down. I kept told her that have to take care of herself, not to eat those unhealthy food, not to wet her hair, gave herself more resting time. Maybe i am a bit long winded, but i still wan to say them out, because its my responsibility to take care of you but i cant make it as we seperated.

U are so cute sometimes, haha, cute but still mature, i love that way. Today u send me a picture of yours, you are so beautiful and and always do. Its week 11 now, after 3 more weeks, i will have my final exam, and after that, i will kepy my promises, and come after you. Remember to rest more and recover fast ya, i want you to be happy and good situation always.

Love u, hubby.

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Cursing Land

Came back to Prima Setapak, 9-11 Block C. The place i live since i study at here, Setapak, crowded and noisy place. It was so tired to have a 3 hours journey at the car and i am not feeling well, i am sick. Along the journey i slept, sms with yeek, and have my dinner my mum packed for me before i go, then have my medicine, until 1000pm only i reached here. Back to the UTAR life again, so suck and tiring, everytime came back only got one thing in my mind, STUFF....yeah, a lot of stuff waiting me to finish them. No choice, since foundation already like this, Degree cant even imagine it. Its been 2 month i never went home, this time was a special one, i see changes in the relationship between me and my family, duno why, i see all the positive ways, is it good or bad? I like the feeling. However, my mum sickness doesnt seem to have any recovery, i am worried, what is the problem? what is the cure? what is the reason? what is the solution? my family members all struggling to help her, see doctor, relax herself...still resulted in same condition. Hope she will be fine. Cannot drag too long, it will bring more negative effects on my mum.

Father have grown older and older, white hair also coming out. Surprisingly, my mum told me that my daddy has "老花“ which mean "old people short-sighted"...lame i duno how to explain in english, he is working too hard, day by day. Am i capable of helping him to solve some of the house money that need to repay back to the bank after i work. I am still wondering how heavy is the burden. Outsider saw our house will say:"Wow!! Rich guy's son!"...arhh...do u guys ever know the situation behind this tall building? its was hard than u can imagine.

Today i was quite happy because yeek had forgive me, but not totally, i still sense that she is still put that thing in mind. I am trying to find some topic to chat with her by sending her some picture i took during the journey to Setapak, she seem reply me in more natural way, good, this is what i want. We discussed about the future where she want to study... surprisingly, she told me that she had 2 choices, one is Kampar, one is Setapak. I know her style, and i know her family decision too. It will always be Kampar in the end. But she told me that need to wait after she asking information about the advanced diploma at her school first. Actually, i really hope that u will sacrifice a bit come to my side. But i cannot so selfish right? Everyone also know that after advanced diploma u need to go degree, well degree for you only offer in Kampar, who will so stupid come setapak for 2 years and then go kampar again. Again and again, i fail to ask her come to my side. But this time i did not felt so sad, duno why, maybe last time ad learn something from the incident when she told me she need go penang. At first i was like going crazy, cuz i come Kampar just to wait u come study together with me, i give up then go setapak study, and hope u will come again. Now, hahaha....now i figured that it was impossible again.

That why i said:" This place is such a cursing land! FUCK"

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Bloody Hell

Recently i was not feeling well, i always get cough and sniffing. At thursday, i slept late, because friday i plan not going to school since it only one lecture, i did not make a mistake because my friends going there all end up turning back with nothing. The lecturer have MC i think. Haha so lucky. However, i duno why that day my head is very pain and i have a bad sore throat. I keep coughing nonstop. At this time, i am very moody cuz i cant help it much. Person who talk to me will eventually end up in quarreling. That why i hurt my dear. I was so nervous until i said something bad to hurt u just because i did not feel well, what a childish and immature act.

I am going back home at Friday, i wait until kong fai's sister come take us go seven eleven, and i bought my fisherman, a sugar that can relax ur throat. But it does not seem working at all, i still struggling with my throat. I try to sleep, but cannot, my head is getting more pain. I SMS her, i know i have made her angry about me, i always didnt care about her feeling, that why she never sms me back. We quarreled...However she still reply me in the end, she said to me if not i am not feeling well, she wont even care about me. Yeah, of course u no need to care about me since i never care about you, and always hurt u, i do not have the right to said anything thing. I just admit that i am wrong, and i cant save it from ur mind, cuz it ad happened. I stop sms her...cannot continue anymore, need to cool down myself. I reached home, and quickly take 2 panadols, no use, still pain. So my mum decided take me to clinic has a checkup. The doctor was so scare of me and keep asking me where i came and where i live. I said KL. He got shocked too cuz recently got a Malay school there ad closed due to the H1N1. Hopefully i am not one of them. He gave me some medicine on sniffing, coughing and deman. It cost only RM20. So cheap for the market prize now. Now normally minimum also required RM 30.00.

I go bought a mi hun soup, and went to my grandmother house to have a dinner, after i can took my medicine straight away. Ad 2 months and one week i never go home, but my family them never changed, always treat me as good as always. I LOVE MY FAMILY! Everyone are taking care about me, asking me got feeling better or not, so nice of them, i can feel the warmth coming towards me after being so lonely at outside. If i am not coming back this week, i cannot imagine how am i going to survive at there alone as i am falling sick. At middle of the night, i planning to sleep, i never thought that dear will coming to me and asked me my situation. Well, thank you because u still care of me. We have some chat on the phone until my credit run out, at least, we settle half of the problems we faced now. Thank you for still loving me all the way i hurt u so much. I know it was an excuse that i said that i always moody when i have trouble and i will yelling at others people, its time to change, but how? I still have to figured it out myself. And i need you to accompany me all the way to the end. I LOVE U ALL....

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Daddy

The person who have a special way of teaching me as a good man, is him. Since i am small, i seldom talk to him. Because all my homework stuff, my mum will be the one who take care and always ask the performance of me. The attitude of me at home or outside, also my mum is the one who teached me. Until a certain age, then only i begin to have a close relationship with him. When i was small, i really cannot understand why his mind and mine was so different. Well, when i done something that i think correct, at night, he will suddenly called me go outside the house, and we sit together to have some discussion. We interpret the thing i done just now, then he said out his mind. Sometime i just cannot take it, because it was kinda weird. Even worst, i will ignored it.

Time flies and i growth, i realise that the thing he said was true enuff. At a certain age, i have the desire to have some entertainment, like buying a PS, PS2, computer, internet...etc... Of course, i know that, i wont get it just for free, all is money, so the rules for me to buy those things are work with my father. I get it. And he did his promised. He never asked about my academic stuff, all his care is my attitude and problem solving skills. Although sometime i disagree, but i take it as my new style of do it.

Until one day, duno why i just think that, working as that, need to wake up at 300am, is kinda not fine. I rejected. I dunwan to work, i lie at home, do nthing, playing games, wasting time. All kind of things. If i do, he will jsut said one thing, u are not worth as RM20. After this phrase, i swear, i must go outside find a job, and prove to him, i am worth than a thousand! I found it, hamper things, and i get my salary, RM1000. I go back home, and this is what i get! Kinda childlish, me...

Our relationship was normal, but never quarrel. I respect him. Cuz he is a good daddy. True enuff. But just sometime my inmature attitude spoil all the nice things. I never said:"Daddy i love you." We dun have that culture. Yet, this year, i take the 1st step, call him at Father's Day, wish the first "happy father's day" in my life to him. Amazingly, he is happy, i was shock to see that also, although is just through phone, but i know he sure is happy. I never see daddy will be like that. Kinda unbelievable.

This degree, sure is hard. I have a hard time for a few days, a bit down. He phone me. "Try to relax, if canont, dun force too hard, not worth." Well, I heard this from him. Thanks a lot daddy."No problem, i can do it. Dun worry." I quickly replied him. Before he called me, i still down there. After that, i have no worry at all, it was totally different, for you to motivate me rather than others. U sacrifised for your children, teached us thing in a special way.

And i am proud to have you as my daddy, the words that i cannot speak out, will be written here."I do love you forever."

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"Soul" deep in my heart

A misunderstanding event, create a path for us to meet. The way u grab my shirt at midnight, calling for help, is the start of our life. My dirty mind, makes me know about you. The way to smile and teasing me, i never forget. Once again, tie, u in charge of it. We meet again. U are so amazing. The feeling is so weird, i cannot understand, what is the reason for me to call u and know about u. Starting from words through phone, we never hear each other voice through it. Until one day, peribahasa was the creator of our love. From now on, I am in deep love.

Ur soul was not belong to me. I was happy for a moment, at the time u said u like me. But, not love. At my birthday, i cried, and u are the one who support me with love and care. At the tough moment at SPM, u are the one who give me inertia to push forwards. U never leave me, i never forget. Day by day, my naive had force this relationship to break. My disturbance towards u, resulted in the break in soul between us. The stubbornness of mine, keep me contact with u. Never give up, and always learn things from u. I am not experienced, but, u never rejected me as a good friend. I learn to know u, i learn to understand u, i learn ur life style, i learn ur family, i learn ur pass relationship, and i learn ur weaknesses.

Again and again, thousands times i ask from u, can we joined again. U never answered me. Because u dunwan to hurt me. I never give up, because i know, i do love u always. I wan to realise my promises to you, and i dunwan to hurt you. Until one day, i reached my limit, and i sense no hope on us. I wan pull away. Tears fall down from my heart. Deep into the black hole. A warming hand, come to me. Its you. U pull me up. "Han, i need you." This is the phrase i never forget. U are back....back to me..."You have changed..." Yes, i will changed, to a better one. The mistake i done, u never scream, u never yelled, i appreciate that, i changed my misbehaviour, tears should not drop down again from ur beutiful eyes.

Our relationship stuck at one end, never raise again. It the limit. I told myself, i must see u, no matter what, or not it the end of us. I max my bold, drive the only vehicle, to have a better future with you. My low-self esteem, i dare not to face u, I am ugly, short in height, no body shape, just a small kid, not mature at all, but u never reject me, always do. Give me support and love. I just love to be with u.

That day, the way u hold my hands, the way u hug me, the way u sleep on my shoulder, i never forget and i am confidence, we can be together forever. 3 days, u went for camp, i cant hear u, i cant find u, i cant touch u....i am so lonely...but...i know u sure will come back...and i always believe u...no matter what...

I dun care how many guys are chasing after u at ur own world...u are my darling always...and i believe u do...Yes...sometime we did quarrel...but the way u handle problem, i am totally proud of you. Because of this, we always end up with smile. I will never repeat my mistake again. Because i cannot afford to lost you.




"Jia Yeek, I Love You."

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The way i survive

"God", most respecting "creater" for the world.
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* G-Generator *
* O-Operator *
* D-Destroyer *
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I was born to this world, as a small raindrop, i never die, i never stop, i never miss. Along my journal, i grow, bigger, heavier, and denser. From the cerulean blue color, my habitat changed, to silver color. Millions of eyes staring at me, happiness, disappointed, unemotional, laziness, flowing of tears in the blood vessel.. All kinds of emotion shown to me. But i never stop, i am growing, one day, the habitat deformed, i no more remain balanced. I scared, this is my first time i left my home, the only one.

"Dude, why u look so nervous? Just remain calm, we are here."A bigger "person" said to me. He has a weird look, i am transparent, but he was in brownish color. "Dun look at me like that, I am just a bit fat because i bring along chloride...hehe..burden higher..."

We smiled, drop down, the speeding speed force me to let my hands go off my pals. I am alone, panic, disgraced to my naked body. Pass through thousands of others same habitat which still in cerulean color, I reached a place, a weird object shape like a big bird, with a straight "eyes" and hard "wings". I pass through it, his amazing speed, push towards me, i was no influenced, just felt a bit warm and polluted. I saw down, a red, brown with some green dots, on a big land. Was it? What is this? Food? New habitat? I wan to stop, but i cant, i keep dropping down, I saw a big balls, some sounds came out from there, thousands of small creature standing under the balloons, horray for the arrival. My family, and me, billions, limitless of us, keep dropping down, the farmer, took out his cloth, keep kissing us, waiting for century for the arrival of us. The people, with tie, with formal, with a headache emotion, pressing their head, running around, buying umbrella, scolding at us, run into a shelter, dunwan to let us have a nice touch with them. The people at the war place, cried, drag out their own family dead bodied. Hope that our cleanliness can help him clean out the blood, the bacteria. Then they can use the dead body to feed themselves. The tree God, happy to see us, welcoming us, however, we saw the tree God, we cried. Because of us, he is falling and dying. The greenish leaves become yellow, dried out, all because of our "fattiness"--chloride. But still, we are friends, always.

My bone cracked suddenly. I saw my hands, legs, eyes, brains, all fall apart. People walking around, step on my organs, I didnt felt any pain, my pain nerve ad broken. I can only felt heat and cold. After one or 2 days, when i was sleeping, my father-"Sun", come to save us, all of our family. We evaporate, we raise, we fly, we laugh. I never died, I never miss, and i will see this cruel world, until his end....the end of the day.....

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